Secrets 14: Asiza
Finding out at 35 that she had an identical twin sister half a world away was a pivotal moment in Asiza's life. Since the age of six, Asiza has been drawing the female figure but she never really understood why. Growing up as an only child, she had always longed for a sister and she now realizes that her drawings and paintings was a way of staying connected to her twin.
At the age of eleven, Asiza's family settled in Calgary after a dramatic defection from communist Romania. Not being able to speak English very well, Asiza used her drawings to make friends at school. By 1986, Asiza had graduated from the Alberta College of Art with a degree in Visual Communication Design and immediately landed a job as an art director in Vancouver for Woodward's and later with ad agency Palmer Jarvis (now DDB). Then, with getting married and starting a family, it wasn't until 2003 that she picked up a brush and slowly started easing her way into painting again.
For years, Asiza tried to bring Gina to Canada so they can reunite but Canada’s immigration policies would not allow it. So in July of 2014, after 47 years of living apart from one another, Asiza went to Romania and surprised Gina— it was a very emotional reunion. She loved holding Gina in her arms and was truly amazed at how much they are alike.
Once Romania entered the EU, the visitor visa process finally allowed Gina to come and see Asiza in Vancouver. On July 31st, 2019, after 3 stressful missed connections in Montreal, her sister arrived at Vancouver International Airport. They spent an entire month catching up and never left each other’s side—walking hand in hand, doing twin things and talking about what could have been. Gina had so many first experiences here: first time having sushi; first Indian curry; first tacos; first gay pride parade; first salon haircut & colour; first pedicure; first fireworks; first ferry trip; and the first time meeting Asiza’s husband and kids. Their connection was undeniably powerful—Asiza can’t wait to see Gina again.
Proving that is never too late to pursue your passion, it was 2012 that Asiza decided to start making paintings full time. She spends countless hours in her Vancouver studio creating canvases, honing her skills and expressing an innate connection to her twin sister Gina.
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That's why I do this. So people know about my sister and also about learning about forgiveness because that's, we all want to, we all want to live through life, happy in life.
We can live through life. If you, if you feel angry. So. You have to come from a place of strength and to forgive and we all live better. "
Asiza is an artist here in Vancouver, British Columbia. She brings her story of a shocking betrayal. Where it led her to find forgiveness and love. I will let her tell her story about reconnecting with her twin sister.
Gina. After 35 years being a part. Here's her story now
Yay. Yay.
Let me centralize myself. You know, artists. They have to just focus in the center here, so I'll make my coffee or so, okay. So you let me know when you're ready and we'll go from there.
Well, yeah, we're um, we're already you were talking about how she's a more feminine. I don't.
Yes. Like, I mean, femininity comes in so many ways, right? It's not exactly, but when I just, just the way she talks and the way her body language, in some ways.
She's more confident than me. Like, even though, it's almost like, like, I think women in Europe, or at least with my sister from that experience, with her, I find she's more comfortable with her body. She's not like, Yeah. I remember when I went, surprised her for a visit, like she didn't know I was coming and interesting cause I had the shorts sort of skort.
And I hadn't showing more leg. And then when I walked to the room and she was shocked, she didn't know what to say. Should've thought I was like a Mirage and she couldn't comprehend that I was physically there. And then after we braced and we cried and she had to go change and here she is parade herself in a bra in her.
Oh, I don't know if she was an underwear or shorts more like a long pants. Yes, white. And she paraded in front of everybody. And you know, that will be my nightmare to walk around like that. But that's what I'm saying is, but at the same time, when I want to give her, uh, when she came up to Ferguson two years ago, 2019, and I want to give her this denim skirt.
She, she said, no, I can't wear that. You know, without, it's not, it's not accepted in our culture of women at that age, at our age to wear such short skirts. So it's interesting how, in some ways, uh, she, if she was to live here, she would have been a different person, right? Like maybe she's much more open and comfortable with her body.
And he, I would never do that. I would never walk around in my underwear or my bra in front of my family.
That's a societal pressure because I find too when I'm here, I, in some ways I become more conservative on certain things.
Like let's say, , before I went to Romania and the way I would wear it, two piece bathing suit. But when I went to Europe with my family to Croatia, I saw women, different shapes and sizes wearing the two piece bathing suit. I thought, wow, that's, that's awesome because you know, it's so wonderful to be comfortable to love who you are and not care what other people think.
And it's an accepted it's accepted there, here you get. It's more, I think it's so we're so judged on how we look here, you know, and it's, we lose a lot when we judge ourselves and others, you know, by the way we look. So
we are in a bubble, I think you're pointing to something from when I traveled, and this is why it's so encouraging for others to, uh, when they see outside their own country.
to go, Oh, people don't all think the same, like my country. We think this one way, that there's a certain age for a two piece bathing suit. And yet all of you're at the beach and you know what, South America is fully exposed in, two pieces are next to nothing. So we're in, right?
So we are, we are an anomaly in the world and how we perceive our bodies. So that this is interesting. So you and I were talking how this, that, what do you think this episode, your story is about like the nuggets.
I think it's about, finding out a secret that was kept.
For me. And then when I, and I think it's also about forgiveness, you know, like, I felt I lived with guilt for many years hurts. I would say betrayed, you know, because the truth was hidden from me for so long. And, and I looked back and it was not, what I thought it was, but then, you know, understanding how it all happened and why it happened.
And you cannot be angry. I, I feel, I completely understand because sometimes we can't judge people, um, you don't know their situation, what they're already in, what they have to do to become who they are. So when you come from a place of a understanding, it's so easy to forgive.
Yeah, I was, having my walk this morning and I was thinking about our meeting and, uh, talking about forgiveness today and how you found your way back to your forgiveness.
How forgiveness looks for me in my life with my parents. And it I'm always brought back to, they did the best that they could with the thinking that they had at the time. And they believed whatever they were thinking was necessary to survive. And that's the story, what, what I got from your mom. I feel the forgiveness from you.
And this new sense of love is like a, a love relationship that's developing with you and your sister today.
yes, like, uh, my sister and I were very close, I would say she's. My soul because we talk about everything and, and, uh, we trust, we, we, we, it's so nice to have somebody where you can trust and know that if you have something to share, nobody else has good.
know, I actually, I have that kind of relationship with my mom, but she passed away in 2001. And it was nothing. It's more comforting to know that if you have something on your, on your mind and it's bothering, you can, you can talk to somebody you can truly trust. And I feel like my sister, even though I, she was kept away from me for so long as she was hidden from me for many years.
I didn't know about her existence. And I understand now see, because my mom wanted to have me to have that relationship, that close bond with her. No one else and that may sound, so selfish, but there's a reason for that. So, and I totally understand. Yeah,
that's the story, part of the story, and I wanted to ask you about what your life is like today.
Like, do you consider yourself a fine artist? Is that how you describe the work that you do as a painter?
Well maybe I should start from the very beginning.
so, At the age of four, I was adopted. and my, my parents brought into Bucharest capital city of Romania, and that's where I grew up. after a year later I found out, uh, my sister, my identical twin sister came for a week to visit me. And we had such a wonderful time.
We had, we were jumping on the bed. We just had the best time to be really United, but after a week she left again. And, uh, so shortly after I started draw, but, uh, I started drawing figures of females and. I completely blocked my sister out. I think the, the pain of being separated from my twin, it was a way in and start to draw the figures.
It was my way to keep the connection with my, my twin sister and throughout my life. I I've always drawn figures of females, but I never understood. I completely blocked her, locked her out.
Yeah. That's an aboard. That's an important piece. You had no idea at the time that the young girl you're with was your sister twin sister.
Well, no, at the time she was my, I knew, but the thing is after she, she left, I, the separation made me block out. So, and that's how I start to draw the figures because I didn't, uh, that was my way to keep her alive in my, my heart and my subconsciously alive in my, so my drawings and then.
When I moved to Bucharest, my parents were wonderful parents. They exposed me to the arts at early age. Uh, at first it was my mom put me in opera choir. It was an amazing experience being in the opera children's choir that was staying was so magical. City, opera singers, getting ready and practicing singing.
And it was so magical. I loved it. And then my mom tried to be ballet and I didn't like that. And then finally she put me in art school and over there it's different. Like you have to get tested. To see if you have enough talent to get in, you don't just go in and it's just, okay, I want to play some drawing classes.
So I got tested and, and I got into the fine art school at an early age. And that's what I was sort of more focusing on. And then my mom and my dad has helped me develop my skill as an, as an artist, which I'm so grateful. And then my dad defected, uh, Romania was communist. So it's such a, I would say it was, it was, he didn't want to live in a country where it limit his abilities to help better life.
So he, he, he didn't even tell my mama, he decided to go on a trip. To Italy, which was on the unfounded to give visa, to go to Italy at the time because my father ,he was an economist, uh, living in, uh, in, uh, working in a bank. And, uh, and then my work as a, she was an artist herself. So she worked from home as, a, doing more like, a, craft things that would sell, you know, to a special store.
The boys were in Yale town. So, so after my dad defected, he went to Italy and then he went to Canada and after a year, we went to Canada where my father was waiting for us in Calgary, Alberta. So even throughout the years, I, I've always focused on the arts she put me through private lessons and Calgary to painting lessons.
And then I went to university of Calgary night to do some more painting classes. And, so she was always very involved in my life as to become an artist. She really supported that. so yes, at a very early age, uh, I, I, I went to, Alberta college of, and now it's Alberta at, university where I got a degree in visual communications and graphic design.
And then in my fourth year, I got a job offer to come to Vancouver and that's how I came to Vancouver. but all those times I've always draw figures of, and I was kind of known in my class that draw beautiful for women. But I never understood why. And it totally sense. After I found out at 35, I have an identical twin living in Romania.
I can't imagine how shocking that would be.
your mum really nurtured your artistic creative side and then it brought you to Vancouver where you, what kind of work did you do after that?
After graduating?
I, um, I worked at, uh, my first job what was at a retail store, but at the time called Woodwards and I was hired as a junior graphic designer. And then after that I went and worked as an art director at the Palmer Jarvis. That was probably DDB.
And then later on, when I started my own company with my husband, Dan uh, wild branding. and we still have that company so after we decided to have children, I went and I had, we had couple of kids. We went back to work part time and I realized, Oh my God, things have changed so much.
Technology-wise I thought this, I was so used to do everything was hands-on. I love the process where I would take big marker pads and could conceptualize my ideas. And I love that process, but then now it was all computerized. It was all websites. And I was so used to doing catalogs and brochures and logos.
It was very, very diverse type of work, but now there's not much print work going on anymore. It's all web web driven. And I do like the process. It's just too technical for me. I, I, uh, I decided to pursue fine art full-time but at the same time, I think I didn't come out. Like, I'll come paint in my own space.
I didn't post anything because I was kind of painting a secret. You know, and I didn't want nobody to know. And, I was actually, I was, I was, uh, you know, paranoid at times. Like, for instance, let's say, I remember when Facebook came out, I would not want to be connect with people, especially people that were in the Romanian community, because at the time I would be friends, I was friends with my sister on Facebook and people.
I mean, you can't wear identical. So it's based on my sister are pictures of my sister. They don't realize like, what is that? Like, it's not you like, and I just I've had, I have respect for our parents that I, they want to share that secret with anybody. So I would actually, I would actually block people. On purpose in, let's say, let's say you came to me one day.
He goes, Oh yeah. I know being in person. I'll say, okay, now we'll say it. So I kind of got tired. of living with that. Yes. That makes sense. Yeah,
no, I, I, Asiza I'm sorry I interrupted , but something so beautiful in that moment, Like, it's a struggle. And I see the pressure that it's a compounding on you.
So you went, you didn't like the technical, you went back to your fine arts because it was so in like that, you know, it's that creative genius that's in you, that's wanting to come out. And then all of a sudden there's the pressure of keeping a secret and protecting your mom and your sister.
And. All of that.
and I was living with this fear and guilt and here I, you know, and after I, like, I have to keep my sister secret for many years. and, uh, I actually came out after my, my dad passed away in 2013 and that's when I came out. But I was painting with all those years, you know, I didn't wanna tell anybody.
And, and then when I decided, because I said, you know what, I can't live like this with this guilt and fear. So I'm going to come out. I'm going to tell the stories from my art, I, and especially my sister, because she suffered all those years. You know, she always known about my existence. I didn't know about hers, but she felt so insignificant because she was.
you know, hidden from me. And, you know, I thought this is my voice. I want to tell the people about my sister. Cause she means the world to me. And I know how much I love her. and makes up, but still I want people to know that she's, she is so much adored by me. And plus at the same time, I also want to tell the story of forgiveness about, you know, my mom, I love her unconditionally, I love my dad unconditionally.
I often say what would life would have been like if I wasn't adopted, I don't know that's a mystery, but I know the fact is that I, I do have a history I was very much loved. And I'll share this story, how it, why my mom did what she did.
because I think many people can probably relate to parents, you know, where they were. Oh yeah. They felt hurt their parents. But I think when people understand why parents were the way they were, it would be a lot easier not to have this, anger towards them..
I agree. And I think that I want you to share, about, and I have only a little glimmer of the idea of what life would have been like in Romania for your parents, communism in Romania was very controlled.
So maybe you could, could you tell me a bit about what it would have been like for them or what it was like for you.
Well, I can, no, I mean, I did live there long enough, but I experienced a little bit of communism. What's it like to live in a communist country, but, , I could take you back to how, like, you have a better idea with my mom's story and my father's story.
Like my mom, my mom and I were born actually in the same house, the same village in 30 years prior to me. So, by birth. She's my aunt. Her youngest, brother is actually my biological father. So she was born enough sound. We have five children. so yes, we were born in a village in a very small village village called area of Romania.
so my mom had a very young age. She was very intelligent, very ambitious. And she Al she, she knew that very early age, the only way to get out of that village is to become a passionate reader because reading it helps with your vocabulary. It helps with the way of thinking. So she read every book, she could get her hands on and, she decided to lead to access.
She went to. Bigger city, where she went to live with an older sister. And, uh, and there, she, I don't know how she did it, but she managed to get herself, to Bucharest, which is not like here, you can just pack your stuff and move to another city over at the time, you don't have to get permission from the government to be able to move to a different city.
So she managed to get to Bucharest and, uh, She needed to her high school finished. So during the day she would work as a cashier and at night she would finish her high school education. And one day this gentleman a very handsome, some gentlemen be intelligent, do my father caught his eye.
And he fell in love with my mom instantly as she was so well spoken and she's so, and she was so elegant and you know, was part of the like highest rank educated people, like doctors, engineers, but because she was able to speak that well, and she, she really made an impression though, my dad she was very beautiful.
Like actually, I call her of the Bridgette Bardot of Bucharest. She will never leave the house and she didn't have her makeup and hair done just to even get the loaf of bread. So she was always, always well-dressed and even made her own clothes, you know, because as a young girl, she couldn't afford clothes.
So she looked, designed her own clothes. And I think she worked at a fashion house too. And that's how she learned how to sew well. she was very glamorous woman an extremely ambitious and I think. at the time of the communist country, it was very lack of things.
Yeah. So like a Romania, like my dad would get up extra early in the morning before we do the work to go the line to get dairy products like yogurt, milk.
If you go like four o'clock in the morning to line up, cause everybody be lining up because that's when it was available. And even myself, I would line up for bread potatoes. Uh, and I was only like eight years old. And, one time I remember it was this experience. I was coming from school and I saw a lineup and I saw what the lineup book, cause it was always a lack of things.
And so of course I get myself in line, but I realized I don't have no money. I was like eight years old, eight years old. And so I told the lady, can you please hold my spot? Because, so I can call my mom to do so she could bring me some money to buy potatoes. and I went call my mom. And when I went.
Back in line, this woman behind get back in a line. And I was like eight years old. But see what people lack necessities. It doesn't bring out the best in them. It's always a struggle. That's why many years you see that generation of people not smiling because they lived through the times that they didn't have the basic needs to have a comfortable life.
uh, When you came to Canada, did you see lots of people smiling?
Yes. And I was like, I remember when I came to Canada, I was like 11 years old and I I was walking down the street and this lady, said good morning.
And I was like shocked because I was just not used to somebody saying good morning to me. Cause that's not how it, that's not the way of life. The kind of life I was, I grew up in where I remember when I walked the safe way, my jaw dropped when I saw how beautiful the food was displayed it. And it was so, and I was the abundance of food.
And I remember wanting to try out everything and suddenly the weight creaked on, because I got fat because I wanted to try everything.
So when did you feel like you were, I don't know, Canadian or is that the right word? When did you feel like you didn't lack anything?
Um, I would say maybe after, like, I mean, even at 11, I couldn't speak English at the time. It was really difficult transition, from coming from another country because.
I felt when I came to Canada, I thought, Oh, it's going to be this really, you know, easy going, but it was easy going. My, my parents had a hard time adjusting to the new life in Canada. And, uh, especially at their age, they have to learn a new language, you know, and for me to speak English, communicating with other kids, the school, I have to go to English school in the mornings and go, uh, in the afternoon to, public school.
so I kinda sorta got used maybe like a 12th. Sorry, my dog.
what's her name?
I think this Pyper, but not, she's not, I used to call it hyper, Piper, but not anymore because she's 14 years old. So he might pop here and there. So you'd say
language language is the biggest barrier to immigrating to Canada.
Yes. It was challenging because, you know, plus coming from another country and didn't speak the language, you know, uh, I didn't fit in, so I, it was really hard, especially, especially at that age, not being able to fit in.
And especially, I remember my dad, my dad would not let me wear a jeans and runners, like what was kids are wearing at school? And she goes, no, no, that's for hippies. You know, they know jeans and runners only hippies wear that. And I'm like, and I remember I had this ugly polyester plaid, Brown pants, and it was just horrible.
And I was no wonder that kids were making fun of me.
Is correlated to my life. What did my dad wear? Jeans or runners
easy years after that. So it was pretty funny, but, even like, even, sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She's got heart. If I lock her up, she'll start whining. So I can't honestly, either way
it's, it's good. Like, because this is part of life, right?
Exactly. She's being authentic here. Yeah. It is a hundred percent.
Yeah. But I have an interesting story like this, but going back to communism, I remember when we found out that we were, were able to come to Canada. My mom and dad were thrilled because see that time communist party, we're not even if families let's say parent of a father leave the country. That doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna, reunite the fountain that the family leave to go join their father or their parents.
Uh, there were stories where there they didn't give the other family needs have to go. And so we had this fear. My mom was so scared to be a single mom, living in Bucharest she didn't know what she was. So her and I were sleeping together So every night we hold each other in each other's arms and there was a way, a way of supporting each other through this separation from our dad, my
dad, he left without telling her.
Yeah, my mom, because, because, because back then, that's how it is. Like, you don't tell anyone. And you don't tell anybody, because sometimes I say the communist party could, could infiltrate people and they might think that's your friend, but actually working because how the government, you get perks, you know, Hey, if you can see, you can, uh, be able to shop at a specialty store and that not everybody had access to.
Right. So you had these special perks if you were to give them information. So knowing that you want to make sure you nodding with your, uh, with your. wife, because sometimes they bugged the place, even the telephones, they booked up telephones or bug. Like actually they listen on the telephones, you don't like if your phone call, you know, friend, you're talking about how, how the weather is not like, Hey, this is the issues in my household.
Or, uh, so it was very, they, everybody was really paranoid about how much they can talk. So even after we were separated from my dad, my mom and I had to, pack our stuff like, so she stopped selling house things for the house, a lot of the clothes and things that would even send it to my family. Like my sister were in her brother and other relatives from the, where we were born, like just thinks from the house.
And she didn't tell them that we were leaving the country. She kept on a secret. And same romaine had back then. You only allowed to use, have one telephone. You can have more than one phone. So she, and she had to take the telephone to the, to the top, to the telephone company. But that was the security basically that's the same security that it is where they keep tabs on people.
So my mom had it in her phone, but she still had some stuff to sell. And she had an old antique phone that my grandma gave her. So she plugged it in and she still selling stuff in the house. And the security people caught on to that. So they called her to their office. She brought me along and I remember they used to be a war room and with lots of glass and she goes in a different room And all of a sudden.
I see her. She's getting agitated and whole body's like, and she started to cry. And when she came out, I was so she pretends, she fainted because they were threatening her. If they, you don't tell her what she got the phone, you're not going to get the visa to leave the country. So there are threatening.
And when she started doing like, like she was going to faint, they panicked. And that's when, they said, okay, this is going to be trained. Everything is going to be, we're going to give you the visa. And then later my mom told me it was an act when my mom was also into theater arts. She really wasn't great on stage.
and she knew how to get herself out of a situation was a survivor. That's where she was. She had to do what she did.
Absolutely. So she was selling stuff secretly, and then she had returned. So they were kind of watching her. I imagine, after she returned, I said, what's going on here?
And then,
because there was still calls going through and wish they knew that she had a second phone. That's not allowed to have only one phone you're allowed. So that's why they was threatening. Cause they wanted, when she got the second phone, how strict it is there and they don't have their, you can have 20 phones if you want.
They're the only one everything is to control everything is. but that, you know, at the same time I have some beautiful memories too, like growing up as a child there. And I remember going to the movie theater, my mom will give me a dollar and I'll go to go to the movie theater and the early matinee.
And, and with other children, like. Now with these days, I've got no way that would ever happen to send my kids movie theater. So in another way, it's kind of weird that I had a lot of freedom at the same time. I'll take the bus on my own, like around seven, eight years of age.
Yeah.
But your mom knew she knew who you were and I want to take you to, um, yeah. This is interesting did you, did you ever go back to Romania after living in Canada?
Yes. So the first time I was about 17 and a half, my mom arranged a trip for us and that, that was like a mother and daughter trip to Romania. And I thought great, get to see Romania relatives.
You know, I love being with my mom, you know, her and I were so close. And so we're looking forward to this vacation. So when I arrived at, uh, Bucharest, then we went to first of the village where I was born. But at the time I didn't know this, so I didn't know the people there. I thought it was just relatives, but I didn't know Who they really were. So my mom took me to this village, actually the same house. We were both born and we are greeted by my uncle. He was very handsome tall, man. And, and, and his wife. And I remember she was like, we're sitting in a yard in a chair. She, I think she was like, maybe it's like five, five feet away from me.
And we're both sitting in a chair and she was just staring at me from head to toe. And I felt uncomfortable like, Oh my God, you know, like, it's like, smell like I'm a celebrity or anything, but I thought I'll come into a cab from Canada. Right. You were 17. I'll send it to you at the time. but later I found out actually those two people were my biological parents.
And I, at the time, I didn't know. I thought they were just an uncle but there were so happy to see me. uh, I was only there for like a day and also I was so shocked that. suddenly had to leave. I think I rather needed her like around 11 and by eight I had to leave.
and I never understood why I had to leave. My, my cousin was a police officer, took me by car and I never liked to drive during the night. It's just scary. And then my mom never joined me. So I don't know why she's she's she never joined me to go with my cousin to this other city.
So then I found out later, this was later. I, I found out why, and I'm not talking, I'm talking like in the last 10 years I found out this. so what happened after I left, my biological parents, one of them told my sister. To come because I was there. So my sister was living in a different city Bradshav.
Show's got the tech technical school to learn, to work in a factory machinery, different career choices than me. and then, uh, when she found out I was there, she was so happy because she always wanted to reconnect with me. Cause she always knew about me. They always kept pictures of me on the wall.
Like They always have pictures of my sister always knew about my existence and my three other brothers too, that I never knew I had. and so what happened? So she went to the Dean of the school and asked permission she could leave and explain the situation. So she caught the bus and she traveled all night to come to the village where.
Where I was. And then when she arrived and she found out that I left, she cried, she was devastated. And my biological parents try to convince my mom to tell me about my sister, but she goes, no, she's not ready. I'll tell her what she's ready. But right now she's just not ready. You know? but interesting.
When my, when my mom and my sister arrived, she was in shock because she thought that was me. Because see, my mom always kept the connection with my sister is her name is Gina. Got to mention that. And, uh, she was, have the connect, the connection with my sister, Gina. And what you always do. She'll always send pictures of me and she'll always send my clothes even.
So that's why Gina, must've been wearing some of my clothes at the time when she came back. So for a brief moment, she thought that it was me and she was scared, but she didn't even realize that was my sister, because the way she spoke, cause we spoke, speak differently, you know, so Romainian accent and I'm much more a mixed accent.
so they said that they spent the evening having dinner together and yeah. The next day, my mom left early in the morning, like four o'clock in the morning. She took the early bus and my biological mom and my sister did fund up to later when this gentleman told her passing by, Hey, I saw your sister-in-law the bus stop this morning.
And my biological mom and my sister were so shocked, angry. How can you leave without saying goodbye? and then, uh, my sister started crying and my mom said, um, Gina, get on the bus I think she might've gone to this one of the aunt's place. So my sister got hopped on the bus, travel another couple of hours by bus to, to get to the, our aunt's place where she saw she vacation every summer.
So she took the bus. Then she arrived at the house and had, it was a tall gate. And she ran into the gate and all of a sudden our aunt comes up to go. She was shocked. She didn't expect Gina at the gate. And also she shuts the gate door in her face. And my sister was so offended because how can you, I'm your relative I'm you're on your niece?
Like she should be welcoming in. She goes, I felt like a complete stranger. She said like she was so hurt. And, but after a few minutes, my mom came out, my mom who adopted me, she came out enough, floral blue housecoat. My sisters, I'm saying repeating what my sister told me. And she came out and she started walking with Gina, escorting her to the bus stop.
She says, I'm sorry, Gina but Asiza not here. She went to the Black Sea to vacation with some friends. Uh, am I still so, so devastated. Uh, put my sister on the bus and send her my sister back. Uh, when my sister told me this, I was, I cried a lot because. I was always there. I never left. I remember even that moment when that happened, I was painting my nails inside the house.
So for me, that's, I felt so betrayed, you know, because how can you keep the secret from me? and I, then I, after I find out why I was there in the first place is for me to meet a fiance that I never knew I would, meet my fiance. I find this
so bizarre, your mom takes you on a holiday and not only do you not get to see your sister, but, and then she brings you close by where she knows that it's a possibility, and then she's gonna marry you off.
And you're 17 and a half.
That's right? Yes. My mom, when you
die. Yeah. Well, when did
I find out about my sister there that would interfere with her plans. Right? Right. Like, why would I want to go Bucharest for us? You know, Hey, I have my twin here. Right? So in a way that wasn't part of the plan. So she worked the plan with a cousin, hers too, for me to meet this guy because back home I had a boyfriend, my first love.
I w I was so in love with this guy and he was in love with me and, and my mom, I guess maybe says that it's getting very close and she wanted a Romanian guy a son in her household, right. Somebody who can speak the language, keep the culture inside. Like, I think a lot of people from different cultures can relate to this.
and I think that most of also, because that will also keep me close to her, right. If I was to marry someone another from another country or English, Speaking person, she was still like, Oh, maybe the culturally will not be as close. So, so yes, I met this fellow, very handsome, very intelligent man.
Um, you know, perfect in my mom's eyes, there were, I remember spending time with them and I do even talk much with them. They were having all the conversations, you know, I remember sitting back and I go and I go, wow. You know, so, so my mom said to me, it kind of scarred me actually for a long time.
She goes, if you don't marry a Romanian, I will leave you here. And I was like, so scared, like the thought of, because I was Canadian. I would, might have my friends, my, my home back in Canada, the thought of going to a country, you know, where, I mean, I think grow up in and different lifestyle. It's scary. And, uh, so when I met him, I said sure, I'll like you, you know, and then he proposed to me and I accepted a proposal. And in back there, like a proposal and engagement is the equivalent of a marriage. Especially if you're a local, a Romanian person gets involved with a foreigner, that's it, you're done.
You can't, you can't go to work. You can't, you can't practice because they're looking at you as somebody who can, uh, a threat, you know, information, you know, it's just, wow. So.
So what happened? Um, you know, when you're in a situation where, you learn to accept and then like, yeah, and I come to Canada back to Canada because I was only there on vacation, like a month. Wow. This guy, maybe like a week or two. I don't remember.
And I remember even like the engagement party at my own, my uncle's place and his apartment and you know, at the time I was so naive, you know, like I was a child that was 17 and a half. I think he started living like yet. I had like one boyfriend who was waiting for me back in Canada. Wow.
Promise ring. and then here, I'm coming back to Canada. And I remember I broke up with like broke his heart and he was devastated, but, and then. After in October, I phoned up my fiance on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday. But at the time when I answered the phone, he was so reserved and I thought this is odd.
Like, why would you not be happy to hear it from your fiancee? You should be saying, I love you all these I'm so happy to hear your voice. Thank you. He was like, I remember seeing he was smoking a cigarette I'm on the other line. And then I'm like, that was another thing I don't, you shouldn't date smokers, you know, so, but for me, I was 17.
So, and I realized my intuition told me that there's someone else, ah, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So I was so mad. I took this thick wedding band off my finger and I threw it across the room somewhere. And I, and I was so upset about this whole thing and, suddenly, also got bombarded with phone calls from your old please begging me.
And I wouldn't even answer, I don't know. I think my mom answered the most phone calls and I guess one time I talked to him and of course I felt so bad about casino. His life was over Romania. Right. And I, at the same time I thought, but I don't, I don't know if I could, obviously I didn't know him well enough to be able to react.
So. Like that's it I'm finished with this engagement, my mom pack the wedding dress. So we went back to Romania, what, in a suitcase, but at this time, so we went to a hotel, he came to the hotel, he was crying so much, he was crying, begging, and, and I felt so bad and I ended up and even my mom.
So she realized that this woman are you sure you want to get married? And I go, well, you know, when you have like a six foot six guy begging on his knees and he's crying, I felt so bad. And I, I guess like I'm married. I dunno. And then I, when I became back to Canada, I went for a walk with my dad and I said to my dad, dad helped me get a divorce.
But you went to your dad and you, and you said, dad, I can't be married. And then
what? Yeah, my dad helped me get a divorce. We got aware and have filed for divorce. And that was, that was that this
is, this is interesting because it sounded like you thought, Oh, I'm going to hurt his feelings. If I said, no, I'm going to his life is ruined. If he doesn't go through with this marriage. And it was like, you had this obligation and you just did what you were told.
I kind of, you got to understand, like, it really comes back to this.
my mom, because my mom was, she was a controlling woman. And when you, a child who's controlled by another, their mother, you don't, they actually, they still this not able to make decisions for themselves. They lack of confidence in the, not able to, because everything is being sort of decided for you. So my mom was always the one making decisions for me.
Like the only thing I decision I made was like, I went over to college of art, but, you know, even though she had good intentions, she always nice, like comes back to, I was like, well, why was my mom this way? Like even the story of how I got adopted and I didn't click until my sister came to visit me 2019, I, I came to a realization.
I always come with something. I realized something new all the time. So when my sister came to visit me to the 2019, I really like, she's like five minutes older than me, even though this is my territory, she should see she'll take my hand and she'll be the one leading me around. And I'm like, wow. And this goes back to the story of how we got adopted.
Like, because we're identical. If my mom being born, she was born in the same village as I was. She knew the area really well. and so one day she, when she came to the site, which went to a dock, she took me to my sister via hands to get some water from the well, so as she was walking, she had an idea.
So we got closer to the well, but, uh, we always kept our distance from the well, me and my sister. my mom said to both of, okay, girls, you wait here and I'll get the water. And, uh, my mom went to get the water, which was a little further down this Hill. So she said to herself, the one that stays that's the one I'm going to adopt.
And when she came back, once they went left and took the one that stayed to the mother, this is the one I would like to adopt. And that was me. Wow. And I thought at first I thought, Oh, what an interesting story. But then when my sister came , 2019, And I realized she picked the one that would listen to her that would give her less problems, easier to control.
Right. So that's how, that's how she made her decision based on that. and you know what, and I also came to a realization why my mom was so controlling her coming from a from a family of five children, and also learned a lot about my grandmother, my grandmother, wasn't a very loving person.
She wasn't affectionate to her kids. she never, probably didn't feel the love she wanted as a child. it also, she hoped for a better life as a child, not to live there and to progress. She always thought progress is to leave. It's for a better life. so when she adopted me, she wanted some, a child could love her unconditionally. And I do, I love my mom unconditionally now because all she wanted is to be loved. And she did all, she did her life, all the decisions. She wanted me to be close to her. She even in Calgary, she moved to Vancouver to be close to me, you know?
So I, I love my mom and respect her. And even though her choices were in the best choices, but when we have an understanding why she did what she did is because all she wants to be loved, that's all she wanted and appreciated. And I think that's how through adopted me. I showed her that love and make, made her feel needed.
And that's why we have such a strong bond, you know, as a mother and daughter. And yes, later I find out about my twin. Of course I was hurt because I wish I had known about my, my sister, but at the same time, I'm thinking, yes, she didn't want me to know probably by my twin, because what if I would not want to be with her and she to lose me.
So when we come from a place of understanding of why people do what they do, it's easy to forgive and to truly love them unconditionally. Yeah. I,
I, that's why I really was drawn to your story. And the thing too, that strikes me is that there's a period of time where you actually grieve that loss of time with your sister, that forgiveness comes in in stages.
It's not something that we have to do automatically. It's something that we experience and, I'm curious about is why wasn't your sister adopted along with you? Like, why didn't your mom take both of you?
Because when I back in, um, 1965, my parents lived in one room, apartment, and I'm literally talking one room apartment.
Uh, they have to share a kitchen with other people on the floor. Cause that's how it was back then during the communist country, it was really difficult to find places to live. So, uh, even at that time, I think my, my mom wanted to, uh, my parents wanted to, they can only take one child they had didn't have room for two children.
I think if, if they could have, did they have nectar probably would have, because their choice, wasn't separate twins, but even like, uh, our biological parents, they give one us up. So the other twin can have a better life too, especially living in a village where there's lack of things.
And plus you had three other brothers as well that you reunited with. Yeah. So what was it like putting all the pieces together?
Yes. Life is interesting. Life is full of surprises. Um, apparently I feel, uh, for many years I felt guilt after I found out by my twin, because I wish that she was adopted too to have had the same opportunities I did.
she's, she's got talent too, is she actually. Demonstrated to me that she has a title, she can draw only the thing is she didn't have the, um, uh, the support, like I had the support, uh, to, develop my talent. And, you know, she's a very, she's very talented. She we're so much alike in so many ways too.
Like we're both very empathetic and we think alike, you know, but, but in some ways we're different because we grew up on two separate continents
So how have you been making up for lost time with your sister?
Oh, we talk all the time. We talk when we talk, we talk like hours and it's all it gets interesting because no matter how many times we talk, we always discover something else, but not only that, We also help each other emotionally.
we both, uh, lost one of our brothers in, um, 2019 after she came to visit me for a whole month. It was amazing best experience of our life. She, I took her to all the way to, to the restaurant experience Kasi from all of the world. She never had that experience. And I went, took her to the gay parade.
She loved that. She thought, Oh, Vancouver people that are so full of life. And so, so wonderful to be here. She obviously loved it. But after, when she back to Romania, two months later, when my youngest brother Viviane, he was killed in the Bucharest while he was, uh, riding his bike. so even to this day, it has been a very difficult time to cope with this because we still don't know.
We because of COVID. Has the investigation of the apps and that has really post being postponed. And even to this day, we still don't know what happened. And we still, we haven't been able to get closure of our brother's death.
he was such a happy, a funny guy, you know, like he was always such a great sense of humor and he'll make, he'll make me laugh. And I miss that so much. And, I mean, I'm so happy we have each other to, to help us get through this challenging times, you know,
I I'm really curious now about is What are you, what kind of painting you were hiding and now doing, I want you to tell me more about
like, my paint is always, we, uh, have like figures sometimes like two feet, two figures.
Like usually we embrace the women to women embracing, and I think that's kind of what I was sort of painting all along because. That's something I sort of was wishing for that connection. And even, even my friends, I don't remember saying this to them, but they will say, Oh, don't you remember? You always say, Oh, I wish I had a sister and I, and I go, really?
I used to stay and I goes, yeah, you always said that to us. I think I forgot that they'll bring, they brought that up with me after I told them about the family secret. And I go, yeah. So I guess I was always wishing to have that sister and then my wish came true. I think what I was painting and drawing all this years, it was, she was always there, but she was just not physically there for me.
I was, I was trying to create that through my art and the colors and the compositions. It was always about love and I think what I wish for came true. So now I have her back in my life. I wish. I wish I could be with her more physically, because so different than doing a virtual telephone phone call versus holding her in my arms and, and, you know, I, and what I miss this about seeing her and, feeling part beside me.
I mean, it's something that it's a bond that can never be broken, you know, even through art, twins, uh, bond, it can never be broken. It's it's for life.
Yeah. I'm glad you have the love that you gave to your moms carrying on through with your sister. That's the feeling I'm getting from the story of this reuniting.
Um, I didn't ask you how your mum broke the, did your mum break the news to you or did your dad
yes. Well, if it came over, cause they said, you know, they found that, okay, this was a time when I was married. I was like, happy my life, you know? And, and they came over, they thought this was one of the best time to tell me.
So they came over and they actually recorded it because my mom put the tape recorder on the floor and I'm like, I was like, I miss out. Why is she doing that? Right. So she started recording it and both of my parents were there and I was sitting on the floor and they were sitting on the couch and all sudden they just told me, I was like, I was in shock.
I thought, and at the same time I could see how uncomfortable it was for them to tell me this. And I, and I, I tried to make a joke, to make them feel because I realized how difficult for them, for them to tell me this family secret. And I said, Oh, I can see why our teeth are not the same because my teeth are straight and theirs, wasn't straight, that's straight.
Right. And they laughed. And, after they laugh, they told me that a month to comprehend what they told me, I was in shock. I felt like I wasn't like part of the Twilight zone, you know, that's absolutely from the sixties, it was just, everything seems so not real like, Oh, it was just, it was such an awful feeling to, to think that I have an identical twin.
Who thinks like me looks like me as the same DNA, like me living in a different country. And, and then to find out, she always knew about me and I didn't know about her. I was, I had so many emotions, you know, and, this whole idea that having a twin and it was just really, bizarre.
And at the same time I was happy, then I was sad. It was, I was all over the place with my emotions, you know, but I love my parents, even that didn't change how I feel about my parents. I love them unconditionally. You know, my dad would wasn't blood related to me. He loved me as his own child. Like I swear I was shocked because the way they love me so much.
Right. That's why it was shocking for me.
I can only imagine, but I'm so glad you brought up how it highlights when you're raised in an environment, even though loving and, but yet controlling it suppresses the ability to be motivated intrinsically, to make decisions, to feel the emotions. And then all of a sudden it was fine to tell you at 35,
they thought that that was the best time for me to know because,
they want me to be happy and they ended, you know, like for them that you want to affect my life. You know what I was going to school like college college was. It was really challenging was I was in a program that was very hard to B It was very, uh, to, to have good grades and to create a good portfolio, to get a job that you want to affect that in my life.
Right. So they thought in the best interest of me to like, what was best for me and, you know, that's what parents do, they do it in the best interest of your child. So,
so did you go out and, uh, contact your sister right away when they talked after they told you? Okay.
Oh yeah. But yes, but the thing is back then, when I found out, it was mostly telephones and telephones are so expensive back then, like they charged by the minute, you know?
So it was always very limiting conversations or. She'll go and she will have to go to an internet cafe to be able to hear my voice. And she told me this broke my heart when she told me that she goes after she would speak with me. And like, she was so agitated. Cause she just wants to hear my voice cause so, and we sound the same.
We sound like it's the same. But when she would get home after our conversation, she would cry because she was like, she had so much emotion inside her and it was so heartbreaking for me. she told me like, when my mom used to send her clothes and pictures of me, my sister actually would, cut her hair, like my, my, my hair. She actually worked there and she told me every time she wore the clothes, she'll look in the mirror and she only imagined me.
And that was her way to keep the connection with me. So I thought that was so beautiful, but then that steak I'm so heartbreaking.
I feel it like , to me, I'm like about your pictures, your paintings, and they I've seen them in the, everybody should see them, thinking about you and your sister, and seeing how intertwined you were together like that.
It is powerful, impactful.
Yeah, you can form that bond with people for life. It doesn't have to be sister, but it's all about. Is being true to yourself and those around you, and you can have more meaningful, deeper connections with people just being authentic with yourself first.
And I think that's what I love about my sister. And she's so authentic and I think it makes it easy for me to. You know, love, hurry before, you know, so,
well, I just love how you just let her, like, when she came to Canada, U S you were telling me a bit about this before, and maybe you could share what it was like having, like, I know you mentioned that you took her to the pride parade and you got to see how colorful or our city was
well, it's a multicultural. City. Right. So we all come from different somewhere. so my, yeah, my sister absolutely loved the experience Firstly, it's a different from Romania. Romania is more, has a lot of history. So the architecture there, it's very more classics architecture.
He is more modern. And then, But, you know, like she loved the experience because she just never experienced it in a lot of the things that I experienced. and, uh, I think you know, like for instance, back in the comments times, if you're a gay man, you go to jail prison.
So when I took her to the gay parade and see how. Amazing. They're And I, friend of mine actually took, uh, cause I want her to experience everything. Okay. And, so even a friend might took to class to a gay bar. Davey street
and I, and that she's not how beautiful they are and how feminine and sexy they are on stage. And She absolutely loved it. The moment was priceless for me when I saw my sister's space, which she was like amazed about to saw two men kissing, just cause she never saw that before.
And I thought, you know what? This is what I see. That's what I love about Vancouver because you can see two men walking hand in hand and people don't give them the look it's more accepted here. It's, it's more freedom to be who you are than other places. When you go out another place in the world that you can't really do that they still are afraid to be who they are.
And it's, it's, it's sad because I think life is more beautiful. We all accept each other for who we are without judgment without, you know, Yeah.
Like, like you, you, like, you made peace with your mom and your dad. Yes. Yes we are. When we accept people who, for who they are and imagining what it's like in their shoes is another perspective.
And you've created this ripple effect in Romania with your sister and the acceptance. And cause I know that it's profound.
And are you in your studio or in your home? I'm
in my studio right now. I'm going to work on a painting that I started. Um, and it's four show that I, but it's the theme is to paint something more historical as for a Federation, uh, Canadian Federation gallery.
And, uh, it's I haven't submitted yet. You have to submit it. Yeah. Judges that they look at your work. And so I'm working on a piece right now, of course, two girls, two, two twins, but because it's a historical thing, it's called a it's the gas gaspy girl from the Gatsby era.
And I, and I love it even through my art. Like, I notice that a lot of the, and I never realized not too long ago actually, but the reason I paint my short hair on the girls is because. That was the only picture I saw of my sister. We were, when she came to visit and emo we're five years old and there's a picture of two of us and we both have the same hair.
Well, the same haircut, very short. So that's stuck with me subconsciously. So this is the reason why I do a lot of figures with short hair and that's just. It's just, it's intuitive. That's what I call it.
I'm excited to see it. I would love to, experience it. Uh, how would you describe your art
Um, my art is I try not to think of artists like a particular famous artists. Cause I kind of, what I do is I kind of paint. I would say it's more, repetition, sensational, I would say it's realistic or surrealistic. It's more a portrait. I would say it's more closer to Modigliani heard the Modigliani, but I try not to think like him, but it comes naturally.
Like I tried, I don't know, even intuitively, and I, and I never realized either because yes, I started painting women, uh, at a early age, like female form. But also my mom was also, my inspiration that's why I think I draw the women were more, more sorta, aesthetically, more beautiful.
And cause my mom was. My my model for so many years, she was, she was so beautifully, always beautifully dressed. And she looks to me, it was like my Barbi doll. And so she was my inspiration too, in my art. And I always, and that's why I think, do you draw the neck line more long?
It was elegant because that's what my mom was elegant and feminine and, uh,
No, it shows in your art. I can see it. So if somebody wanted to find you and discover you, um, where would you point them to go to see you?
Uh, my, I have a website is www.asiza.ca. So ASIZA.ca simple. And I'm all for on Instagram, a @Asizaart, a S I Z a R T. So I'm on there too.
I really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Laura. I appreciate you for hearing me. My hearing my story and really means a lot. That's why I do this. So people know about my sister and also about learning about forgiveness because that's, we all want to, we all want to live through life, happy in life.
We can live through life. If you, if you feel angry. So. You have to come from a place of strength and to forgive and we all live 📍 better. How we
do. I learned this week from an amazing coach secondhand, this lady sent this message and she said, you know, do you want to be right?
Do or do you want to be happy or do you want to be free? Great. Wow. I thought, hold on. Because for people who like you and I were both controlled in our young, younger years, I realize I don't have to acquiesce. I can just be free.
That's right free is that's the right word.
That is the right word to be happy. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I really,
Laura, I really appreciate this and I wish you good luck. Thank you. You too.
It's already a beautiful day. Take care of Asiza.
