Secrets 14: Stories In Your Body - Alcohol

"Have you ever wondered about healing the nutritional needs of your whole family and not doing it all alone?

Shannon Donohoe Simpson is a nutrition expert with children who have special needs.

Shannon is intuitive and creative in her life. Being called "too much" as a child and "You should be seen and not heard." Shannon isn't about to back down from these stories.

Questions have come through personal experiences having breast cancer and children with autism. Today Shannon and I ask, what place does alcohol have in our life?

Shannon shows how the struggle with alcohol is a signal to listen to her body. By focusing on her whole health she explains how.

She joins me to share her personal experiences to help you move ahead in yours.

Shannon is on an expedition to explore the outer reaches of Canada, family in tow.

• Transcript

  I'm Laura. And I find good advice and make it more personal, more intuitive and more you, this is secrets. Your mentor never told you.

  So I just did my first Facebook live ever. Oh, congratulations. That's great. I think I said about a billion.

  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I get, yeah. You know what I D let's take the shame out of UM.

  There's a lot of people in the world that use it as an anchor. And yeah, like, you know, there's a lot of people out there that, you know, T preach that I did that. I'm sorry. I have a hard time thinking a full, complete thought and saying it completely. And then going on to the next thought, I had noticed that when I edit myself, I go, oh, she did it again.

  But the, um, part is from, uh, uh, Um, Toastmasters. D did you ever do that? Yeah. And for me, Toastmasters is great because I like structure. I need, I need some structure because people follow structure and it helps when we're understanding and learning. However, not everybody speaks like. And it, it becomes a box or this boundary, and then you didn't say the really important part.

  So using your ums, if that's where you're starting from that's okay. And This is something my acting teacher taught me. she says, everyone will get more confident. and then all their quirks and their there tells, you know, poker tells like, we will say ums or we'll breathe, breathe funny, or all of that falls away.

  As long as you become stronger in what you're doing and in what you're doing on Facebook live, or whether it's acting in a scene or speaking in front of hundreds of people, all of that is going to. Confidence in those ums will fall away. Yeah. I believe that.

  I mean, that was my first Facebook live ever, and I showed up anyways.

  I haven't slept in two nights. But yeah, so, you know, we can come up or there at least I can, and I have for so many years come up with, um, reasons or excuses and, and that was what exactly what I spoke to you today. I called it, . Looking for the discomfort and not the confidence, because this is what I've been doing for the last, I can't even tell you how many years waiting to become confident, waiting to. Take another course waiting to be smart enough waiting to.

  I just feel that, oh, there's no anxiety. I can do this now. Well, no, it's, that's not going to go away. you know, so can I move through the comfort discomfort? Can I move through the anxiety anyways? And so, um, I have this beautiful book. by, mark Nepo. It's a reading every single day for 365 days of the year.

  And it's just a short one page. And it always is exactly what I need to hear that day. And today it was about, , surrendering of the seed, which is so beautiful because you have the seed in the dark, in the ground, and it literally surrenders to the unknown and the light. Anyways. And so this is exactly what I was talking about today.

  And so, my biggest fear of death is that I don't, I don't step into my passion and my, and what I want to do. And yet my biggest fear in life is. that I stepped into my passion and what I want to do. So it's really interesting that they're both exactly the

  same and right. The irony and the book is called the, I saw the title there.

  The book of awakening of awakening by mark Nepo and it's just so beautiful. I mean, I've had it for 15 years, as you can see. It's well loved

  This sounds like my story with, the artist's way. So I'll come back to that. first of all, welcome to the show.

  Yeah. So thanks for having me. , what can I say? So I'm coming to you from the Comox valley on Vancouver island. And, , we have, well, we've lived here now for seven years. We love it. We're very outdoorsy, kind of people.

  So it feels like a great fit. I started my company, whole health family wellness years ago. And, um I called it whole health family wellness because. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, to be honest with you. And I'm still navigating that actually, as we are moving through, , I know that I want to share my experience of, a lot of the trauma that I've been through in my life and my cancer diagnosis and raising two children with special needs.

  But yet still moving forward and trying to strive to. Find space for me and share my gifts and my passions with the world. and moving away from the excuses that I create in my mind that I can't do these things. so, so I'm here, I'm showing up, again to, Yeah. Just, just to step in when I'm

  yeah. Uncertain, but stepping in any

  ways

  there's a lot of personality types like us that struggle within a world that, when we were being raised was very linear We all want to have that one thing. what is that one thing that we belong to that we're here to be, and it's just not that way for everyone. There are people like you and I who, make change in the world through our, in interaction, what we create. And I like what you're saying.

  So I want to know a fun fact about you that.

  Well, one of the things that I'm really proud of and that I, this pretty fun, I think, , is I had the opportunity to climb Mount baker, back in 2000 and. And that was really amazing.

  we did, you know, a lot of training for that, , to make sure that we knew how to tie. Cause you have to go up in fours, so you're not necessarily for us, but you're tied up to each other in case you fall into a crevasse. yeah, it was, it was a beautiful experience. it took. three days to get to the top.

  we hiked up to the tree line and then we camped up at base camp. And then we got, went to bed like really, really early, like eight o'clock at night, and then got up at midnight. And then we hiked from base camp to the summit, at one o'clock in the morning because you have to do it when the snow is hard packed, so you can walk on the snow.

  so that was, uh, quite an amazing experience. I thought when I got to the top, that I'd be like so tired and I looked down and I went, oh shit, I gotta go.

  Oh, Yeah,

  I see Mount baker from my neighborhood and I, I invite anybody. That's listening to search and look at a picture of Mount baker and know that I don't think there's ever a day that there isn't snow on it. So I knew exactly what kind of challenge this is just that's huge. And congratulations.

  I love hiking. Um, why I thought we would, while we agreed in, in sort of a commonality of what, curiosities we have about, you mentioned this book, I love the idea because I too, uh, used a book that helped me kind of explore and transform on a daily basis.

  And that was The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. And. You've have you read it?

  No, I haven't read it, but, uh, I just received it in the mail.

  Yeah, I think it's, it's similar concept to the, Was it the book of awakening by mark NIPPO and I that's why I think why we were brought together.

  Uh, kind of exploration around alcohol and creativity. Now, I just want to preface for me coming into this, what my intention is in this episode is that I'm not making alcohol a bad thing. I'm saying that my exploration over the last couple of years has been, from my cousin, who said once that isn't, Really our relationship with alcohol that we examine it's our relationship with our emotions. I, you know, she's, uh, she's one of these outspoken kind of people. So I was fighting what she was saying. And then I realized it just kind of finite did everything for me. Because Julia Cameron herself is sober and she talks about sobriety and creativity, but I didn't go into this book thinking, oh, I'm not going to drink alcohol.

  , I went into this book to bring back and resurrect my creative. Part of who I am and it turned out to be my identity, , that I had kind of suppressed for quite some time. So yeah. I just thought we could talk about, , you know, origins about alcohol, because I think we're both on that kind of same thread.

  So what are your, perceptions of alcohol growing up? Like, do you have a story?

  Yeah, I mean, my parents are really. Social, like I grew up, um, my parents, , you know, I was very fortunate to grow up in a nice neighborhood and my parents had this really big party room with a pool table and the dart board and the bar and my parents would have big Christmas parties and, you know, always big parties for the day with my dad was the baseball coach.

  And, and so there would always be, you know, social drinking, , You know, nobody was falling down and getting drunk by any means, but it was definitely very social. , , but then my mom's end of the, of the story, was a little bit different. , my grandfather, her dad was, , an alcoholic, And in not a good way.

  And so my mom really, , moved away and never instilled does not, and never has, as far as I know, , drank alcohol, she's quite adamant that it will not be part of her life. yeah, so kind of. You know, not full ends of the spectrum, but definitely a social, thing, you know, get together. And that was just sort of what happened?

  Everybody had a beer or a glass of wine and, you know, Christmas was about rum and Cokes or rum and eggnogs and, , yeah, so definitely very social, And something that, you know, again, then just sort of became part of my life. even when, not necessarily young at age, but definitely something that became part of my life.

  you know, when I moved out and.

  what you're describing to me is the evolution. It just kind of, you witness it, you see it. It's how people come together in community

  And, it's interesting. cause my, my life has kind of turned a little bit full circle and, , the people that I'm spending a lot of time with right now, I mean, they do say that you become the, uh, the, the top five people that you spend the most time with

  But

  I mean, it is really, made me step back because a lot of the people that I'm spending time with don't drink and it's made me really one defensive, uh, initially, Yeah. Like, , what, what do you mean you don't drink or I'd be like the only one there drinking and feeling like, oh, oh, this is feels uncomfortable.

  but yet all at the same time, I have been struggling with alcohol and how it's literally been slowly taking my life away. Like literally taking. The sales out of me.

  you've mentioned two things, but about how you're exploring this relationship with alcohol.

  Like, so where are you at in that exploration?

  I am. I'm, I'm wanting to get to the place where I'm I'm I'm not drinking alcohol. not necessarily because I don't enjoy a glass of wine cause I do, I really do enjoy a glass of wine, but the way it makes me feel, Like even last night I'll admit, I had a half a glass of wine.

  My intention was to have a full glass of wine, but even in that half a glass of wine, I could feel my eyes getting puffy. I could feel my head not feeling good, like foggy even a little bit headachy. , I could feel the inflammation in my surgery area where I had my double mastectomy. And I just doesn't make me feel good.

  And then there goes my anxiety and then all of a sudden, I just, I sort of implode in and it's not serving me, but yet the habit of that I've created, , is so strong. It's so strong and it's not even just a habit. It's. It's almost like I make it a reward, you know? ,

  Yeah. Yeah. what I discovered is that It's a way of, Skipping over the parts that you're not allowing yourself to experience. And I realized that there was a component bit missing for me too, between, not creating and.

  drinking I remember you sent me the list of benefits that if you'd quit drinking, I loved it. And then I S I immediately saw the connection and I thought, maybe in this conversation, we can have, we can kind of unpack and create this because there's part of it.

  That we don't spend time with . The feeling like you're re you're giving yourself the alcohol. Like I, I would give myself the, the drink. And then in the morning I would. Not get up and do the things, that would get me ahead.

  Like before I come and create anything, I tend to have a little snack it's sugar, and there's as no different than when I used alcohol. I would have a little bit of alcohol before I engaged more fully in conversation with people. Or social things become a barrier unless I have an alcoholic beverage because it liberates me from my fears and overcoming and because I've been running a program and a terrific book I listened to, , is called the big leap by gay Hendricks is his name. And there was a story in that and I'll just equate it with my own story. Is that in my family, there there's only two siblings, so myself and a younger, sibling and this younger sibling shows up in the world. Very dynamic, very smart, very, entertaining and one family member.

  Like would. talk about nothing, but this other sibling to me and how wonderful they are, how impressive they are. And then that sibling, has, an issue and can't in their whole life. Can't meet that expectation. Meanwhile, I would be less than my sibling in order to stay connected in that relationship to be safe, to be cared for and as a child, making those decisions. That was smart because I lived in a very violent household. I lived in a household that would be, uh, gaslighting was a daily occurrence.

  so the truth was never there. And I had to manipulate my status in order to stay safe and connected to my family. Meanwhile, they're running that my sibling is a better human being, more talented, more successful. And when the sibling is failing at life, basically, and not participating in life, the way that their potential is perceived, then I have to undercut that level in order to stay.

  So. As an adult, I was running the program that my sibling had to be the one.

  that was on stage. That was the star. And I couldn't be that successful in life. And yet I managed to get here in my own way, because I dropped that. I acknowledged that story within just by reading that similar story that gay Hendricks had.

  And. I think that that became my, I don't know, touchstone that I said, I want to survive. I want to be who I am in the world. Mid-life has brought that forward. I believe we have to become more of who we are meant to be.

  I mean, it makes so much sense. I mean, I've just spent so much of my life staying small and the alcohol, is a, is a tool to numb. numb.

  So I don't have to show up so I can stay hiding. maybe it's, I'm afraid of my light maybe. Well, let's be real. I, I was told my whole childhood to be seen and not heard. And so, you know, speaking up and showing up and sharing my light and, you know, being this big person, , Goes against all that I was, you know, told to be when I was a child.

  it's humbling. Let me tell you, like, I can feel it like right here in my heart right now just saying that it's yeah, I can feel that. Definitely feel that I don't want to be small anymore. I want to use my voice. I want to speak, I want to speak from my heart and when I drink alcohol, it just, it just literally closes me from the world.

  Yeah, I, yeah.

  Yeah. There's so much judgment around.

  There's a lot of cultural, , stigmas too, right?

  Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of judgment around that.

  Yeah. And, I, I mean, again, you know, in my family, , you know, when, when we get together, , It's usually very social, alcohol social, there's, there's been words said out loud, like what, what do you mean you don't drink alcohol and you don't drink anymore. and you know, maybe some of that is the truth.

  that's being projected onto me and, and maybe. Maybe that some of that is a story in my head that I'm making bigger than it needs to be. Uh, so I get my self permission to continue drinking. I don't know.

  you know, I was, , rereading your bio and, This is cool because I do this and I did the same thing where I'm very intuitive, so I can help people yet. It's also, not a roadblock, like more like a speed bump. Whenever I'm with people in need. I can absorb a lot of that energy and think it's my own. When I can tell you right now, when people criticize you in those social cities, especially in family, cause common who can hurt us the most is our family.

  Um, they're basically throwing their fear at you and you wrote about, helping people, , dealing with physical and mental and emotional trauma and you can hold space for these people is a specialty. , and it's very easy for you. and it's the super power that can also take us into these speed bumps.

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I just mindful about, you know, how this all ties in. Right. And so where, Where the balance is in how we still support ourselves and take care of ourselves and nourish ourselves. but also having the capacity to hold space for other people, or clients, or, You know, just people around us in general.

  And I noticed for me being a really sensitive human being, which I have very much learned about myself over the last two years. you know, I have, again, I said, I have two kids with special needs. and you know, my son. Uh, and I never realized, but my daughter too absolutely is very sensitive. yeah, I, I noticed that, I just tend to pick up the energy of people around me, which is a gift.

  but also, that gift can turn on me if I'm not taking care of myself. And that has really. Brought me back to this piece around alcohol. And so, you know, is drinking this alcohol, , and being such a sensitive human being serving me, especially when I'm trying to support two amazing, beautiful kids that need this extra love.

  No, it's not because what ends up happening is that I go to the alcohol because I'm stressed out about meeting their needs. And then I drink the alcohol and then the alcohol, numbs out, what's coming up for me, I'd be anxiety really is what it is. but in the end, I, what I ended up doing is creating more anxiety and a lot of anger and frustration.

  and I'm curious about how much of that anger and frustration is in the fact that here I go again, I. Continue down my path and I'm drinking the alcohol again. And Shannon, why can't you do

  better,

  Ah, you're taking an inventory of all your negative, moral traits and this came, this is a learning point that happened for me at last night.

  We have a really good ability being these sensitive people who, , take inventory of all our failings, we don't spend enough time. or I know I certainly didn't spend enough time looking at all my positive. Traits and even still, I, you know, I've done a lot of work on myself and for I've spent, I think most of my life thinking about my negative traits and feeling really guilty and separating myself from the world now that I'm, able to come back to the world and be more visible is all because I, embrace a bit at a time, the great traits that I have, because I'm not that person who I was.

  What I'm hearing though, in your, in the theme with your, your story is that it be seen and not heard and your needs aren't being met. And I can't wait to, I hope we get to meet again in a few months and do this again, after you've done a few chapters of the artist's way or finish it, or what have you, it's 12 weeks.

  And, uh, I like this piece that I learned also is that you're adding in more of what you want and then the other things kind of fall away,

  right?

  Yeah. Yeah. And I teach that with my kids. When I do the nutrition programs, they said, it's, you know, it's not about. Taking out things it's about adding in more healthy choices and then the other things will fall away, you know? And it's like with anything in life, it's like, okay. So, I eat pretty healthy anyways. but when you feel really, really good, , you sure notice when you don't feel good.

  And so even, like I said, having that half a glass of alcohol last night, I noticed right away, oh my goodness, my eyes are starting to hurt right away. Like I noticed quicker, And again, you know, maybe, I still will enjoy a glass of wine here and there, but I definitely am mindful that I want to move away from that.

  You know this for me, the big saying that has just so resonated with me this year is when staying the same becomes harder than change, then we change. Oh

  yes.

  You know, I have stayed the same and I've sat in my blue chair, in my living room, afraid to use my voice, you know, stuck in anxiety, stuck in my head.

  Stuck in my story. I need more confidence. All these things. What, when, when, when do I get out of the chair? When do I, when do I say enough is enough? When do I stop? And so here I am like showing up this morning. I did my first Facebook live and here I am showing up with you. And, you know, I think part of it is just sharing the story out loud and speaking the words and like, again, like, even right now, I can just feel like.

  You know, some tears coming, just it's just so good to be able to feel strong enough to move past what we know isn't serving us anymore. And to say, I can do this, I can move past this. And I am a beautiful, sensitive human being and it's okay.

  Yeah. And the changes that we make, like this whole conversation about, alcohol, about creativity, sensitivity, it's about taking a deliberate steps daily and my, uh, micro actions.

  And, That when I want to make change I, have to just add in.

  Certain things and making these changes. And then pretty soon it's just becomes a diversion to who we want to be. I remember when I went to theater school and college here at Doug, we both went to Douglas college by the way. And I, I remember going to Douglas college and I was like 17, 18. And I just remember like losing weight naturally because I was busy in activities, um, gaining muscle in my body that I wouldn't normally use because, or it didn't know I had, because I was moving my body differently and everything was funneled through this expression of myself fully.

  And I think we, well, I forgot that. And here I am. Mid-life starting to just add in small bits and build and build. And then, so we don't just, you know, cause I think when I, in my head I'm going, do you pick a date and you stop drinking? No, I think you added. And you just put in your rear view mirror, like, yeah.

  I want to see alcohol one day without it. What's it like, and yet I'm going to add in this podcast, your Facebook live. Congratulations. Um, so what is your life going to look like going forward in the next six months? What do you think you're looking forward to trying experimenting? Cause you've got these Facebook lives.

  What else are you going to add in.

  Well, we are, um, as a family, uh, doing an adventure across Canada and we are in one month, we are leaving for 47 days and we are rooftop tenting. It. And we are going to vlog every day. And, uh, I'm pretty excited about that because, I don't know about you, but I find Facebook to be Fakebook sometimes.

  and this is going to be a day in the life of a real family. Like what the good, the bad, the ugly, the ups, the downs, or, you know, all of these moving pieces. Right. And so I'm excited about that Yeah, I'm just at this point, I'm like you said, I'm, I'm adding more. And I went back to the gym. I got a personal trainer and doing the juices in the morning.

  I'm doing my infrared sauna in the morning with my mark Nepo reading. And I just going to keep adding in, but I'm also just allowing the universe to unfold. You know, the more that I keep stepping in the universe will guide me to where I'm meant to be.

  I love that you brought that back in because we talked about that at the top.

  one of the big things I think, and I w I wish we could have more time to talk about this, but maybe next time, because you're creating something and I want to hear, like, maybe you could a have an audio clip for me that I can insert, like, update from Shannon, live from the rooftop.

  And you just highlighted that. One of the things that, uh, we, in order to make the change that we want in our life, we have to embrace that. We don't know

  that. Yeah, we don't know. And, and, and gosh, if I try to imagine that I'd be on a podcast here with you today. I mean, I, I, you just don't know, or that I would actually have the courage to do a Facebook live.

  Like you just don't know. Um, the more that I can. Step into life and choose, to, let go of these things that aren't serving me. and in my case, you know, the alcohol, the more life, just like a flower just seems to continue to open it, show itself for me. which is again, it's just so beautiful.

  I, yeah, I want to thank you so much, Shannon. This is a very extremely vulnerable, extremely true, and a real and true expression of how I know I've experienced, uh, my emotions as well. I'm with you every, like every step in your story, I can relate to it. And I know that other people that will listen to it.

  will. feel the same. Um, thank you. Thank you. And, uh, will you come back?.

  Absolutely.

  Insert outro

  We are calling it the Simpson family road trip. and, we'll be doing a daily vlog and, pictures and posts

  Are you going to YouTube? It.

  Okay,

  So the whole family, your husband's going to be home for and take a month off as well. That's

  great. Yeah. Yeah, so my husband and the two kids were gone. We're going on an adventure part about, homeschool is that you can be flexible like this.

  You know,

  And what does rooftop mean?

  Rooftop means the tent. Actually on the roof of the vehicle,

  the vehicle I thought. Yeah.

  Yeah. So it opens up. yeah, it's quite amazing. Yeah.

  What is your vehicle? Is it how big does it?

  So we actually decided, so we have a Honda pilot, and we're pulling a utility trailer with all of our stuff in it.

  Yeah. Um, so we've actually decided that we're going to put the tent on the trailer. 'cause that way. If we want to leave the tent open and set up and we want to cruise into town. We can just leave the tent open and set up.

  that's smart. You gotta vehicle around Canada. Are you going to go? So we

  are going to go all the way to Quebec city and then we Marty's whole family is in, St.

  Adele area, um, out towards Mont Tremblant. And, we will stay there for six days, seven days and six. And then we're going to head back and we have quite a few stops along the way, Calgary, the bad lands, all through world hit the west Edmonton mall and we'll do the Jasper, Icefields and Banff, and yeah.

  So there's lots of places that we'll be stopping along the way. So, yeah, so we're every day, uh, we'll be doing a blog post and posting that up and I will be pulling a, virtues card, live and I am certain like the Mark Nepo book.

  https://marknepo.com/books_awakening.php

  It will probably speak to exactly what I need to speak about that day. So,

  um, virtue card, what's the vert, whatever. So

  it's basically, anything from, uh, let's say resilience or kindness or thoughtfulness, like there's 150 different cards, so it's basically. Values virtues. And so I'll pull that card and whatever that card is, I will speak to that and how far you've driven, what happened, how we dealt with it. Draw my virtues card, um, what the implications are. and then what I would invite everyone to consider. so something along those lines.

  That's fantastic. That's terrific.

  Yeah. So, yeah, so just, it's not just like a, Hey, we've traveled this far. Like it's literally a day in the life. of our family. it'll be a bit vulnerable. But I think it's going to be, , really beautiful because, you know, life is that way.

  It's, isn't all ups. It isn't, its ups, its downs, its ebbs and flows and it's, you know, about how we can step into dealing with the abs, in the moment. Yeah. I'm

  really excited. Yeah. I'm excited for you too. That's it's beautiful time of year to go as well. Yeah,

  I know. We're moving right into the longest day of the year, right?

  Yes.